


hurry up and save me

by bonbon_asesina



Category: K-pop, 더 로즈 | The Rose
Genre: Bisexual Woosung, Frottage, M/M, Pining, mentions of depression, some jaepil, underage drinking bc of jiwoo??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-24 11:45:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12012042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonbon_asesina/pseuds/bonbon_asesina
Summary: Sammy's got a crush.





	hurry up and save me

**Author's Note:**

> I really didn't mean to birth this ugly monster, i'm sorry. 
> 
>  
> 
> title from "love again" by girl's day

Kim Woosung (or Sammy) is not one to fall in love so easily.

He was a star football player, the sweet type that pulled out an acoustic guitar at parties, sang love songs to small crowds of drunken high schoolers and later college girls who would've done anything to end up with a guy like Sam. And he _did_ hook up with these girls; the ones who gathered around him at parties, the ones in his classes, and many, many more. It's not that he was some douche jock that treated women like objects, _never._  Mama Kim had raised him much better than that. Sam was always kind; took them out on dates, walked down hallways and streets with their hands clasped in his, tried his hardest to get them to cum before himself, always making sure to end things on good terms. 

But Woosung was certain that after all those people, after all the "heartbreak", he still was unable to honestly say that he had ever truly loved any of them. Cared and appreciated, sure, but not once did he catch himself fantasizing about their future lives together, never envisioned families and promises of forever. And it was fine, it was all fine.

Until Sam was all of a sudden not a football star anymore. He had hurt his arm during practice, not even an actual  _fucking_ game, rushed to the hospital and stitched up, a note from the doctors to his mother letting her know that her baby would probably never gain full use of his arm again. The entire school cried for him when they found out, Coach Wilson in particular making an enormous scene during practice, the day Woosung had decided to spring the news on the entire team. The old man almost damn near cried. But regardless of what the entire school was telling him he should feel, Sam couldn't find it in himself to care nearly as much as everybody else. In fact, he was almost glad. It wasn't that he didn't like the sport, he loved it. It was just that somewhere between 7th grade and the  _incident_ , Sam had come to a depressingly crippling realization that his life was headed in a direction that he was increasingly losing control over. A football player with a beautiful wife and kids was the epitome of success in American society, something that Sammy, as a first generation, relatively small Korean-American man, found very important. The arm injury worked as an excuse for Sammy to stray away from that lifestyle, focus more of his attention on his music, a gimmick he had once used at parties to get attention that became an essential tool for his artistic and personal expression. And Sam's mother had always told him he had a beautiful voice, that any girl would be lucky to be with someone as talented and sweet as her son.  

So he started writing, little love poems he had written for his many exes now the lyrics to songs he couldn't help but be proud of. When his arm was all healed up, and his fingers started working as best as they possibly could, he finally added the melody to the words, creating a full array of completed songs by the start of his first year of college. Sam never ends up making it far there, though, somewhere along the year finding the courage (and balls) to actually audition for something. 

Sam would be lying if he said things immediately took off after that, because that was nowhere near the truth. He had never considered himself an "idol", but somewhere between then and now realized his little fantasy of being a humble musician with just the instruments and voices was completely unrealistic. They ended up putting him with the other trainees in all those dance classes and "team building" shows that he had always made fun of as a teenager, the irony of the situation not lost on him.

Sammy was maybe a year in when he realized he was depressed.

It wasn't like the superficial sadness he experienced after a breakup, it came in waves that crashed over him without any kind of warning. The foreignness of his situation becoming more and more alien, the loneliness of Korea palpable throughout his entire body. He had made friends, of course he had made friends. There was the tall one, shoulders built like a line backer supporting a perfectly sculpted face. Matthew. He was from LA, and it was quite obvious in his speech. The typical "frat bro" that Sam was always secretly jealous of. Except he wasn't anything like those guys, not at all. He was sweet and supportive and always wrapped Sammy in the nook of his arms whenever he was feeling particularly horrible. And then there was Jae, not as tall as Matt but still measurably larger than himself. He was definitely attractive; not the Adonis that his other friend was, but he was smart and charismatic, and Sam was sure that dislike the guy was impossible.

They were the greatest friends anyone could ask for, and they cared about Woosung more than he thought he even deserved. But it would be ignorant of Sam to think that they could stay this close forever, they had their own dreams after all. When they both debuted before Sam, moving to different dorms with their own respective groups, leaving him alone with his mess of emotions.

He made other friends and kept in contact with Jae and Matthew (or BM as everyone began calling him), the pain in his chest dulling itself to an almost monotone hum that he could ignore if he really, really tried. Somewhere along the way all the initial excitement he had felt for his future disappeared like every other dream before it, inconsistency consistency for Sammy. 

And then he found a band.

Or rather they found him. Sammy had been picked up by some company that he had never heard of, the proposal being for an "indie rock group", something he didn't realize was even possible for a trainee to be put into. It was almost ridiculous how perfect the opportunity was, tinges of guilt and insecurity hidden under the gentle smile he had always used in defense. Sam couldn't have called his mother quicker, wiping at his eyes furiously as his mother cried tears of joy over the phone. 

So he accepted, packing up his old hoodies (even the ones he was practically swimming in now) and guitar into beat up suit cases, all before he had even met his other band mates. 

Sam gets to the tiny dorm third, two guys about his age that he had never seen before in his life sitting around the small wooden table. One of them is obviously the older, a face like some kind of old Hollywood folk star, Bob Dylan and young Lennon be damned. The smirk he gives him when he walks through the door stirs something in Sammy that he had no intention of dealing with anytime soon. The other one has the sweetest baby face Sam had ever seen, round cheeks and a button nose instantly settling a warm affection in him for the boy he would later learn was the drummer. 

"Hey! You must be Woosung." The older of the two says, getting up from his spot at the table and instantly pulling Sam in for a hug. He has that amazing smile plastered on his face, and Sam doesn't think he's ever met such an instantly charming person. "I'm Dojoon," he pulls the younger out of his seat by the shirt sleeve, "and this is Hajoon." Hajoon waves at him awkwardly, the contrast between the two almost comical. 

Sam rubs the back of his neck, trying to hide from Dojoon's intense eye contact by looking down at his shoes, "Uh, yeah nice to meet you." He mentally slaps himself, the charismatic popular kid from high school obviously left behind and forgotten in California. Dojoon doesn't seem to be put off by the awkwardness, though, pulling on Sam's sleeve and leading him back to the kitchen table, offering him one of the chairs. There were four in total, the noticeably empty one stirring an irrational anxiety in Sam.

They sit and chat for a little over half an hour, the absence of the fourth member pushed aside as they continued trying to get to know each other. Dojoon, Sam learned, also spoke English, a resident of New Zealand for a few years when he was younger. He was the keyboardist, a vocalist, and an acoustic guitarist when needed. Sammy couldn't help but envy him, a man seemingly completely aware of himself and his goals, something Sam couldn't say he ever was.He had also quickly realized that Dojoon seemed almost incapable of judgment, egging Sam on to continue his self introduction.

Hajoon on the other hand was quiet, occasionally adding in laughter and questions with a soft tone that sparked a flare of warmth in Sam's chest every time. Sam had decided on giving them the basic introduction of his life, bringing up his years of playing football, the injury, something that prompted both members to stare at his arm questioningly, Sam's entire face heating up as he shifted his hoodie to the side, revealing to them the scar on his shoulder. They had "oooo"d and "ahhh"d, making Sam feel equally embarrassed and proud. 

They almost don't hear the knock at the door, much too enthralled by the way the sunken skin felt against their finger tips. Hajoon is the first to leave his seat to open the door, Sammy's initial nervousness fading away after the easy conversation with his band mates. His over ease is what leaves him so unprepared for the man that walks through the door, the thud of luggage bags hitting the floor ripping him out of his giddy stupor 

The first thing he notices about the new presence, whom Sam figures is the band's bassist, is his height. He's  _tall._ Definitely the tallest of the four, made up of long gangly limbs hidden under a baggy red flannel that would probably look like a gown on Sam's much smaller frame. He's pulling Dojoon and Hajoon into hugs like he's known them for years, his face scrunched up in a blinding, boxy smile that has the dormant butterflies in Sam's stomach fluttering like crazy. Perfectly round cheek bones adorn a face that has those stupid romantic poems he used to read as a hormonal teenager to girls over the phone running through his head. The little voice in Sam's head acknowledges that the guy is gorgeous; not in the classic way that Dojoon was, or adorable like Hajoon. He was all lines and edges, dark hair settling softly over an architecturally beautiful face.

Sam isn't into guys ( _he's fucking not),_  but he can appreciate a nice face when he sees one. He fails to notice when the nice face starts moving towards him, though, his stupid long legs not giving Sammy enough time to mentally prepare himself for the always awkward introduction. Except that handshake never comes, and he's being pulled into a tight hug by the waist, lifted until his feet completely come off the ground.

Sam laughs, patting the taller's back, "It's nice to meet you too, big guy," he says as he's placed firmly back on the ground _._

"I'm Jaehyeong," he responds, the now signature boxy grin taking up his entire face, his long arms still loosely wrapped around Sam's waist. 

"Sam. Or Woosung. Or Sammy. Whatever you want, really." He rambles, his face reddening as the taller continued to listen intently to his nonsensical talking. 

Jaehyeong releases the hold he has around him, patting his shoulder, "Sammy it is then." They walk over to the table together, Sam trying his best to try and hide the disappointment in his face after being separated from the bassist's grasp. 

He does his introduction just like everyone else, throwing in random English phrases that he obviously had no idea the meaning of, making them laugh each time, the way he looked at Sam each time for confirmation making him blush. He spoke so enthusiastically about everything, waving his arms around and slapping his knees with laughter. To anyone else he would've seemed a little eccentric, all teeth and volume, but Sam could tell that everyone had fallen in love with him. He was the maknae, the baby, an unsaid promise to always protect him settling among the entire band. 

Unknowingly, the roles of each member were solidified at that table, the obvious mother hen Dojoon having to be the one to settle them down, reminding the group that everything would begin early tomorrow morning. They come to the consensus that it would be best to go to bed now, unpack all there belongings later when everything was not so new and foreign. Sam had gotten the bottom bunk, an impromptu game of rock, paper, scissors (suggested by Jaehyeong) making the decision for them. Dojoon had taken it in stride, a half hearted "aw damn" as he readily threw his blankets onto the top bunk. Sam was changing into his over-sized pajama t-shirt when he caught a glimpse of what Dojoon would be sleeping in. Well, it was more like he saw what he _wouldn't_ be sleeping in, the answer being almost  _everything._ The keyboardist was left in just a pair of grey boxer briefs when he began climbing up the ladder to his bed, the way the fabric tightened around his thighs giving Sam no choice but to run into the bathroom. 

Sam had learned what the term 'bisexual' meant his sophomore year of high school, an ex-girlfriend of his explaining to him how her last relationship could have been with another woman. It had at the time seemed to him like one of those things that happened to  _other people._  Like,yeah he would be expecting, and yes he believed it could happen, but not to him. Not that he would consider himself bisexual now, any feelings that sprung that could have possibly been considered as straying from "the norm" being brushed off merely as Sam's appreciation for good looking people. Although it would explain a lot, like why he thought Dojoon and Hajoon might be princes, or why he'd caught himself blankly staring at Jaehyeong as he talked the entire night.

He walked into the small bathroom, turning the 'cold' handle of the faucet, cupping his hands with water to wash away all the conflicting thoughts. He looked up at his reflection in the mirror, watching as droplets ran down his face onto the curve of his throat. He had caught himself feeling happy for once earlier, when everyone was gathered around the table, but Sam knew he was much to pessimistic to allow himself the self care. There was no need for the turmoil, his sexuality a subject he had settled years ago. He though back to the way Jaehyeong had left his arms around his waist as he watched with a look much too caring for just a first meeting.  _Well fuck-_

 _"_ Hey are you okay?" Sam jumped into the air about a whole foot, clutching his chest to keep his heart from jumping out. There at the doorway was a very relaxed looking Jaehyeong, his arms crossed in front of him, shoulder leaning against the frame. 

"Jesus Christ, you almost gave me a heart attack," Sam said, struggling to get his breathing back under control, hugging his arms around himself.

"Hey, hey look at me. You're ok, you're ok." The taller quickly moved from his spot at the door, moving to place his palms on Sam's shoulders, grounding him. Sam looked into his face, the concern in his features a stark contrast from the bubbly man he had seen earlier. He breathed with Sam, pushing the smaller's wet bangs from his forehead, not shifting his gaze until Sam had calmed down.

"I think I'm okay now, thank you." The immediate relief on Jaehyeong's face completely shifting something in Sam. _Oh no._ The taller let his eyes drop for a second, stopping abruptly over Sam's exposed shoulder, the over-sized shirt slipping to one side. When Sammy had realized he was looking at the scar he couldn't help but be embarrassed, fidgeting in his spot under the intense stare.

He felt the thumb running along the long line before he actually saw the taller move his hand there, the pad of his finger rough the way a long time musician's usually were, "I didn't notice this earlier."

Sam stared at the way Jaehyeong bit his bottom lip, concentrating on the feel of Sam's warm skin under his finger tips. "Uh, yeah. I told the guys I got it during football practice in high school. You weren't there yet." 

Jaehyeong studied it a little longer before running his eyes up the column of Sammy's neck, slowly settling back on his face. He smiled reassuringly, "You sure you're okay?"

And he one hundred percent wasn't, his entire face and neck blushing furiously. "Yeah, thanks." The younger hesitantly removed his hands from Sam's shoulders, the heat of his palms leaving him feeling empty.

Jaehyeong shot him that signature boxy smile that frankly took Sam's breath away, wishing him goodnight before turning on his heels and heading back to his room. Sam stood in the same position for a long time after, replaying everything that had just happened over and over again in his head. 

It wasn't until he was safely back in his bed with the sheets tucked under his chin that he realized how completely and utterly fucked he was.

 

To say that things worsened for Sam's poor little bi (yes, bi) heart would be an understatement.

The "grind" (as Dojoon liked to call it) had started and was currently moving at full force, leaving the members exhausted almost every day of the week. Unfortunately they were still in that strange in between, working all day, but still not successful enough to go out at night. In a way the set up worked, forcing them to bond and become comfortable with one another at very fast pace. It was coming up on 5 months, still no debut (or permanent group name) in sight, most of their time being spent on creating the perfect first song, travelling from place to place in their one-size-to-small tour van to perform for relatively small groups of people. 

Sam can admit that it's sometimes hard as shit on all of them, all the effort for such little recognition occasionally causing an unspoken fear among the members, an unsettling feeling in the dorm late at night. It hurt him, feeling like this again, but the night time quickly became something he looked forward to. A lot of that was mostly of course due to the fact that a certain bassist stayed up late switching the channels on the living room couch, usually swaddled in a warm blanket that he happily shared with Sam on the first night he found him there. And damn that stupid bad luck that had followed him around his whole life, of course cursing him with a love interest who had no idea what personal space was. They hadn't even known each other for a month before Jaehyeong had Sam safely tucked under his arm, pulling him closer as the nights went on. At around the two months mark Sam finally allowed himself to cuddle back, placing his head on the taller's chest. 

They rarely spoke about serious issues, but there was a mutual understanding of each other's reasons as to why they snuck out of their bunks so late at night. Jaehyeong was young, clearly not used to being away from home for such a long time, the little text Sam sometimes caught him sending his mom before going to bed evidence of that. 

Sam had asked one day why he always put on the same late night talk show, the host obviously from a different generation, "I don't know, I guess it comforts me a little," he looked down at Sam, pulling the other arm that currently wasn't occupied wrapped around Sam to brush the smaller man's bangs from his forehead before continuing (a habit of Jaehyeongs that always gave Sammy goosebumps), "I usually watch it with my mom and she really loves the guy. I guess that mean I love him, too." Jaehyeong turned back to the television without another word, the longing in his eyes instinctively moving Sam slightly closer to the taller.

Other times that  _thing_ that's been following Sammy for a quite a while now rears its ugly head again, shutting him off from the rest of the world. Everyone notices, especially Jaehyeong, who never says anything but gently place him onto his lap as they watch TV, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist as Sam settles his head on the juncture between his neck and shoulder. He knows it's not intended to be romantic, Jaehyeong is being kind and coddling him, something that Sam will never admit to needing. But the way he runs his hands up and down Sam's bare legs, the way he doesn't have to say anything and the bassist just  _knows_ he's having one of his days; Sam can't possibly be blamed for his body's reaction to the taller. When he's not completely wrapped around him, Jaehyeong fills the entire room with his loud and constant laughter, something that has gotten them in trouble with the rest of the band too many times. He seems to think Sam is hilarious for some reason, clapping and stomping his feet at any story or recap of the day the smaller tells him. Sam thinks Jaehyeong is hysterical too, although that may be in large part due to the fact that he's pretty sure he's in love with the guy.

Oblivious to the two, Dojoon and Hajoon always put on their earphones at around midnight when Sam sneaks out of his room thinking that everyone else has fallen asleep, just in case the couple finally confess to each other and decide to take out their sexual tension right there on the couch.  

 

They debut in August, "The Rose" already listed as performers on all the music programs of that week. The song that ends up being _the one_ is sad as shit, emotional and longing, and Sam can't help to apply it to his current situation. New groups never have significant others, in fact _most_ groups don't have significant others (at least not publicly) let alone _boyfriends._ And that was a major problem, especially after the night before.

Sam had been clingy all day, a surge of confidence and excitement brought on by what the next day's events would mean for the band, throwing all his insecurities when it came to Jaehyeong away. They had been prepping all day, last minute practices and soundchecks taking up most of their time. Their manager had advised them to go to bed early before letting them go, set-up for tomorrow scheduled to start right at the crack of dawn. Hajoon and Dojoon were in bed by 10, setting their sleep playlist on loud and passing out almost immediately. Sam could hear the living room TV playing from the bathroom, Jaehyeong set up in his usual spot earlier than usual. He caught glimpses of him from where he was, pieces of yellow hair being tousled out of the corner of his eye. Sammy thought about that newly bleached hair, the way his heart (and other regions of his body) had swelled at the sight of the bassist. He thought about running his hands through it as the bassist kissed his neck, straddling his lap and rocking his ass against Jaehyeong's hard cock, the little panties Sammy had had his eyes on at the mall all month and the taller's ripped jeans the only thing separating the two. To say that Sam was sexually frustrated would be an understatement.

Sam looked at himself in the mirror, a slightly shorter bed time T-shirt hanging from his thin frame, the under curve of his butt just peaking out, revealing a pair of tight grey briefs. He lowered his gaze down to his feet, white and red knee socks from his high school days an addition to his usual sleep wear, making him look like the star of some low budget football themed porn. Sammy knew exactly what he was doing, turning his back to the mirror to make sure his ass and legs were framed perfectly. He wasn't going to do anything, of course not, they were in a house full of people and he wasn't even completely sure Jaehyeong felt that way about him; but he liked feeling sexy. Liked feeling like he was teasing someone, as if he was something to be desired and ravished. He fluffed his hair a bit before leaving the bathroom, putting on his best pout before making his entrance into the living room.

"Hey," he said, leaning against the door frame, one leg crossed over the other, putting his firm thighs on display. The newly blonde turned from the TV to him, his surprised expression and gasp shooting a surge of pride up Sammy's spine.

"Hi."

Jaehyeong was gorgeous, flannel pjs covering his long legs, a loose black tee revealing those collar bones that Sam fantasized running his tongue along. He walked toward the bassist, plopping himself down at his rightful place on Jaehyeong's lap, reaching for the remote and making sure to press his ass down on the taller's crotch in the process. He almost jumped in joy when he caught the rush of air leaving the blonde's mouth.

"What're we watching?" Sam asked, knowing damn well they only ever watched one show, taking the opportunity to look up at Jaehyeong with what he considered his most smoldering gaze. Jaehyeong made no move to respond, running his eyes along Sammy's face, searching for something that Sam though he was making obvious. When the smaller bit his bottom lip, the blonde made it clear that he had found exactly what he wanted, his eyes darkening. _Fuck._

Sam swiveled in his place, placing his knees on either side of Jaehyeong's waist, wrapping his arms around the taller's neck. He scooted in until they were almost chest to chest, "Sammy." Jaehyeong said in one breath, the want written all over him. Sammy was a fool to think that he'd stop anything from happening between the two, the hardness he felt under him effectively blurring any logical thought.

"Lee Jaehyeong," he said, grinding down on the bassist's rapidly growing dick, "I think I really like you." 

Jaehyeong contemplated for about half a second before he flashed that smile that had first gotten Sammy in this entire mess, "Oh, thank God!" He ran his hands under Sam's shirt, setting fire to the soft skin, "I though I was going crazy or something."

Sammy giggled, a pure, non-sex driven happiness running through out his entire body, "Yeah?" He couldn't stop the hopeful question from leaving his mouth. The taller nodded, "I've wanted you since that first day." He says before moving his head to Sam's neck, running kisses up and down the tan column. 

Little whimpers leaving Sammy's mouth make it hard for him to speak, "I thought you didn't like me like that, " Jaehyeong bites down on his pulse point, making Sam gasp out the rest of his sentence, "Ahhh God! I-I thought it was just me."

Jaehyeong chuckled against his neck, reluctantly sucking one last bite before looking up at Sammy, pushing away the hair from his forehead like he always did, "You have no idea how much I like you, baby." The pet name giving Sammy enough courage to push forward and kiss the blonde hard on the lips.

They kiss like there isn't two other people in the house, like the don't have to be up in a couple of hours to perform on national television. Slow and passionate, Sammy massaging his tongue on the blonde's, grinding down on the now fully erect member under him. He's obnoxiously hard, too, pre-cum smearing the front of Jaehyeong's black shirt. He felt like a teenager, horny and on the brink of finishing in his underwear. He had never been on top like this before, though, the girls he would hook up with staining his jeans with the way they forcefully rubbed their wetness onto his thigh from above him. He finally got the appeal of riding, rubbing the swell of his ass harder along the rapidly growing tent in the bassist's sweats. 

"God, baby," Sammy said, the words leaving his mouth completely out of his control, "I can't wait for you to fuck me just like this." Jaehyeong roughly thrusts up, hiding his panting face in the crook of the smaller's neck, "I want your cock so bad." The blonde grips the shorter waist, grounding him as he pushes his hips up, "Oh fuck _, harder!"_ When the taller lays him down on the couch and slams his hard dick directly on Sammy's, he silently sends a thank you to the various porn actresses who had taught him how to say all those things.

He can tell Jaehyeong is close, his hips stuttering and breath coming out ragged. He looks at Sam once to warn him, the smaller answering with another lust filled kiss before feeling the wetness of Jaehyeong's cum seeping through his own underwear. He collapses onto the couch, being sure not to crush Sam as he catches his breath. He licks up the sweat from the smaller's neck, moving up to kiss Sammy once, twice, three times before settling his hands on either sides of the smaller's face.

He's looking at Sam like he's his entire world, running his thumb along the curve of his lips, the shape of his eyebrows. Sammy has never been adored quite like this, the intensity of Jaehyeong's gaze mixed with the gentleness of his touch making it hard for Sam to look up at him, forcing himself not to melt into the couch. The word (or phrase) that is dying to be said suffocates Sam, making him uncomfortable in the position he's in now, even with the sign of arousal still between his legs. It's impulsive and maybe much too soon, but Jaehyeong has never been one to have a filter.

"I love you." He finally says, not once taking his eyes off of Sammy's quickly reddening face. Sam wants to cry at the tenderness of the moment, the way Jaehyeong has moved his hands away from his face to run along his bare thighs, settling his head on Sammy's chest so as to not pressure him to say it back. He's humming  _"_ Love Again" by Girl's Day onto his collarbone, a song he had caught Sammy dancing to while making breakfast when he thought no one was watching.

It's all so incredibly sweet, a scene in time that Sammy knows he doesn't deserve, regardless of the tiny inner voice yelling at him to say those words back. Sam loves him, he wouldn't have ever strayed this far from himself if he didn't, but this,  _them,_ is not what Jaehyeong needs. Sammy's not what he needs. He's emotionally distant, cries for a days at a time with no explanations, has lived for over 20 years and still has no idea who the hell he is. He looks down at the weight on his chest, the blonde mess of hair springing fresh tears in his eyes. No, Jaehyeong deserves much, _much_  more than this.

Sam squirms from under him, his arousal fading away as the bassist moves to let him off the couch. He stands on shaky legs, watching as Jaehyeong hesitantly sits up, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion. Sammy turns his head, cheek resting against his shoulder, hiding from the blonde's questioning eyes. 

"I didn't mean to give you the wrong impression." He doesn't have to look back to see that the taller's face has completely sunk. Sam doesn't think he'd be able to look at him without crying, "I don't want anything deeper than this."

He finally turns to look at Jaehyeong, wishing immediately that he hadn't. His browns eyes are huge, pleading, bottom lip tucked under his teeth as he fiddles with the fingers in his lap. He looks so anxious, waiting for Sammy to break his heart.

"I'm sorry." Sammy says, his voice cracking. He quickly turns away from the blonde, trying not to cry out loud before he makes it back to his room. 

 

Their first performance goes better than anyone expects, the band receiving a generally strong reaction from audiences and other more established groups alike. Regardless of how much sleep he had gotten the night before, Sam smiles a genuine smile the entire time, cheering with every member of The Rose and management in the dressing room after the show. He turns to Jaehyeong as everyone is mingling and congratulating one another, hoping he'll find that the bassist is looking at him too. He's not. Sam can't help the wave of pain that runs through him as he watches the taller pull Hajoon in to a hug, that signature smile covering any trace of sadness on his face. 

It isn't until later that afternoon that they finally get to celebrate, the members of Kard and Day6 tagging along with them to the local bar. Sam hadn't scene Jae and Matthew for months, the only exchanges between them being series of texts that came and went based on availability. The rest of The Rose were apparently friends of theirs, too, a surprise to Sam when Taehyung ran in and threw Dojoon over his shoulder. There was a little less than 15 of them in total, piling into multiple cars and deciding on some night club deep in Seoul that was notoriously very exclusive. Sam could already tell it was a bad idea, the car ride over obnoxiously loud and rowdy, the driver sending them dirty looks the entire time. He's desperately trying to have fun, yesterday's events still weighing on his mind like lead, the commotion surrounding their debut providing the perfect cover for his inner turmoil.

The driver hasn't even properly parked before everyone runs out of the car into the venue, Jaehyeong carrying a laughing Somin on his back, the rest of them pushing and shoving their way in (to the great frustration of the bouncer). They all end up taking up three tables, Matt immediately ordering bottles and drinks for everyone. They drink for a while, going around and taking shots for every good thing that had happened today. The younger ones end up way too drunk for a Monday, Dowoon pulling a less drunk Brian onto the dance floor. Jiwoo and Somin are clutching their stomachs and doubled over at how hard their laughing at a drunk Wonpil, sandwiching him in some kind of grinding session that Sam catches Jae just staring affectionately at (Sammy notes to himself to ask the guitarist about that later). Dojoon, Sungjin, Taehyung, and Jaehyeong have moved to the bar, chatting up the bartender probably to score some free drinks. The only people still at the table are himself, Jae, Matthew, and an adorably passed out Hajoon.

Sam usually loves this place, the colorful lights stirring up amusement from the inner child in him. The music is good, most songs played by unheard of artists, something that Sammy always preferred. The attendants are groups of young people that were wealthy enough to get in, but too rebellious to fit in with their probably snooty parents. The alcohol is definitely over priced, meant to be some kind of deterrent for people not to get overly drunk, a rule he wished his friends took more seriously. 

He's brought out of his thoughts by some kind of fruity drink being set down in front of him, something much more expensive than the beer everyone had been chugging down all night. Sam looks up to find none other Lee Jaehyeong, shooting down at him that brilliant smile, "I got this for you. As an apology." Sam's mouth drops, struggling to find the right words. To say that he was surprised would be an understatement.

"You don't have to say anything, I get it. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

"But-"

"Don't worry," he still has the smile on but his eyes seem unreachable, "I'll get over it." He turns on his heels to meet everyone on the dance floor before Sammy gets the chance to respond, leaving the smaller to suffocate in his own guilt. Sammy stares at the drink, watching as the perspiration runs down it's side, leaving a growing ring puddle under it.

"When were you gonna tell us you're fucking the giant?" Jae abruptly says, pulling Sammy away from his own thoughts. He turns to look at him, revealing that both he and Matthew were waiting for an answer.

"We're no-"

"That's stupid, bro. Did you see that look? Our little Woosung here is in love." Sam buries his face in hands, trying to hide his embarrassment away from his stupid "friends", their obnoxiously loud laughter waking Hajoon up for a brief moment before he turns and goes back to sleep. Matthew leans over to shake their lovesick friend.

"Oh come on Sam, don't be such a baby! We've all been there." Sammy looks up at both of them nodding to the statement, the way Jae glances over at the small keyboardist on the dance floor enough affirmation to confirm Sam's earlier suspicions. 

Sammy reaches for the drink Jaehyeong had brought him, using the cherry to swish the liquid around for a bit before deciding that it was now or never, "Well then tell me what the fuck I should do because I'm fucking everything up right now."

Jae and Matthew look at each other once before, turning to Sammy, ready to impart all the unnecessary wisdom they had gained over the pass year about love to Sammy. Sam chugged down the pink drink in one swig before leaning in.

 

 They make it back at about half past 2AM, Matthew and Jaehyeong carrying in both Hajoon and Dojoon, dumping them both on the former's bed. Matt turns to Sam before leaving, giving him a reassuring pat on the back before pulling a drunk Taehyung out by his hand. 

He's determined, ready, all the alcohol running through his system giving him enough courage to shut up his insecurities just for the night and kiss the shit out of Jaehyeong's face. And he does fully intend to do that, up until he walks in to a passed out tall blonde on the living room couch. Fuck.

Sammy wakes up much earlier that he'd like on his only free day of the week, thanking every deity when no signs of a hangover are detected. He is hungry, though, remembering a leftover plate of Chinese waiting for him in the fridge. He almost skips out of his room, remembering like a punch to the face that the subject of all his current distress was asleep on the couch. He realizes this way too late, already a few steps into the living room. He also quickly realizes that bassist isn't asleep on the living room couch, he's wide awake watching TV on the living room couch. Fuck.

He stands there frozen, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. What the fuck was he even going to say? This all seemed much easier yesterday when his belly was warm with four of those pink drinks.

"Hey, good morning," Jaehyeong says, his hair and clothes ruffled with sleep, patting the space next to him, motioning for Sam to sit next to him. Welp, he can't ruin this anymore than he already has.

He lowers himself slowly, stopping at the edge of the couch, his butt only barely resting on the cushion just in case he needs to bolt. They sit in silence for what feels like hours, the stiff way he's sitting starting to hurt Sammy's back. He tries to look at Jaehyeong out of the corner of his eye, only catching the way his hands fiddled in his lap, something he always did when he was anxious.

"Listen-" Jaehyeong starts, immediately shut up by how quickly Sammy turns to him.

"No wait, let me say something first," the blonde nods, turning his full attention to the smaller, "What I said the other day, I should've explained myself better."

"Sam it's fine."

"No! Let me finish, please," he runs his palms over his bare legs before continuing, "You didn't have the wrong impression. What you said, the way you feel about me, I had been feeling the same way for a really long time. You're just-," he feels his voice wavering, his hands shaking, "-so amazing and so sweet, and I'm messed up, Jaehyeong. I have been for a while now." He feels the moisture on his face before Sammy realizes he's even crying.

He wipes at his cheeks a little too roughly, "Do you know how many people I've been with?" Jaehyeong doesn't say anything, doesn't even blink.

"It's a big number, Jaehyeong, you wouldn't want me the way you want me now if I told you. I love you, but I know myself. I'm only gonna end up hurting you."

He looks up at the bassist, the release of all his emotional constipation removing a weight off his shoulders that he hadn't realized had been so unbearable. The blonde is looking past him, a range of feelings showing in his eyes before he finally looks directly at Sam. Jaehyeong moves closer, taking the smaller's trembling hands into his own larger ones.

"You're an idiot."

"But-"

"Let me finish," he wipes the tears off of Sammy's face with his thumb before wrapping his arms around him, pulling him by the waist onto his lap like he always did when Sam felt like shit. He looks down at the watery brown eyes staring back at him, "When I said I was in love with you, I meant I was in love with  _all_ of you. Not just the easy parts."

Jaehyeong runs his thumb along Sam's trembling bottom lip, "I don't think you know what you're getting yourself into."

The blonde chuckles, "Probably not. But I'm willing to find out." And Sammy knows that old him would probably think it's cheesy, but he can't find it himself to stop the rush of warmth that spreads throughout his entire body. Jaehyeong tightens the hold around his waist, pulling him in, their foreheads resting against each other.

"I love you," he says again, so Sammy knows that his feelings hadn't (and probably wouldn't ever) changed.

The smaller lets out a happy cry, wrapping his arms around the blonde's neck, "I love you, too."

They close the distance between them, the long awaited kiss imperfect with their refusal to stop smiling through it. Sammy tries to put everything he wasn't able to say just yet into the kiss, his tongue gently massaging the bassist's, drawing a deep moan from the taller. He can't remember ever being kissed like this. Then again, he hasn't ever felt the way he feels about Jaehyeong about anyone else. 

Sam has the complete intention of keeping everything pure, forgetting for a brief moment that that was almost impossible when it came to the blonde. 

He's moving to straddle the taller when they hear the floor creaking from down the hall, a sign that someone else would be coming out to the living room soon. Sam reluctantly parts from the blonde, kissing him one last time before pushing himself off the other's lap. He's about to move to the other end of the couch when he's being pulled under Jaehyeong's arm, the look he gives him a silent approval of their new status.

It's a tiny exchange, undetectable to anyone else, but to Sammy and Jaehyeong, it means everything.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> not sure if i should write a smutty sequel since i doubt anyones gonna read this one lol. if u do manage to find this fic somehow tysm for reading :)


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